If you're feeling stuck between supporting your children and caring for your aging family members, you're not alone. A 2022 report from the Pew Research Center found that more than half of all Americans fall into that "sandwich generation." And a 2020 report from AARP found that nearly 42 million Americans provide unpaid care to adults, mostly their parents.
That unpaid care often includes taking responsibility for their aging parents' finances. That's a significant role reversal and life journey that you don't need to traverse alone. Here are some people and resources that should be part of that ongoing conversation.
1. Your parents
The crucial first step is honest, open conversation with your parent or parents about the state of their finances. After all, you need their permission in the first place. Those conversations can be difficult, but transparency is imperative. You need a clear picture of their existing financial plans, income, debts, and assets. And you need to understand their wishes about how and where they want to live and how they want to leave things with their heirs.
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2. The rest of the family
Your siblings and your own children all have their own individual emotional and financial interests in what's happening. So does your spouse. That same sweeping AARP report found that a significant percentage of caregivers of people ages 65 and older saw an impact on their own debt (23%) and their own ability to save (29%). That can be especially concerning for folks nearing retirement themselves without a lot of peak earning years to catch up.
That needs to be taken into consideration as you take on the role of financial caregiver. Make sure everyone is clear on what's happening and how that could impact them.
3. The experts: Lawyers, accountants, financial advisors
From the get-go, you'll likely need power of attorney to directly oversee your elderly loved one's money and physical care. You'll need an attorney for that, of course, as well as any estate and trust issues. You should also be aware of your potential personal liability for your parents' expenses.
Then, an accountant will be handy around issues of taxes, especially for people with complex portfolios and plans. A financial advisor can be invaluable here, too, for helping you ensure the cash flows when and where it needs to.
4. Support groups
You don't have to take this journey alone. Along with the insight and guidance from the professionals mentioned above, you can take advantage of support groups.
Many state and local agencies and faith-based organizations offer that kind of support, as do such national organizations as AARP, the National Alliance for Caregiving, and the Caregiver Action Network.
Read up, be ready, and watch it work out well
You can read what experts have to say, too. Among the myriad books to consider are such tomes as Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances by Cameron Huddleston. The book navigates the difficult process of working with loved ones, arming readers with useful information they can bring to the table to answer the questions their parents and others might have.
Handled well, filling this critical function as the caregiver to those who cared for you can be gratifying and meaningful for both of you, or at least not as stressful.
